This space of in-between really sucks!
After launching my book, I felt content and at peace.
Finally, this life-long dream of writing and publishing my book has been realized!
But now that I have crossed this off my Life List, I found myself asking, “Now what?”
I felt compelled to figure out what is the next project that awaits me.
People around me have been asking if I’m already writing my next book.
I also wondered what business would I build around my book as I see what my peers are doing.
I have no clear answer. And this greatly unsettled me.
I see the people around me being awesome and doing amazing things.
Then there is me…Resting.
Once again, I felt like I’m wasting this life gifted to me.
It seems like I’m being left behind and not progressing as swiftly as I would have liked. (Read: should have)
What the heck???
How can I hope to inspire, encourage, and empower others when I’m not even being the best me that I can be and living the best life that I can live?!
As the world continued on spinning — as the people around me got busy with their work and creative pursuits — I felt a need to create, produce, and do something.
And for what?
To feel accomplished and valued?
To feel like I’m doing something worthwhile with my life?
Is my self-worth dependent upon the work that I do?
Is my value dependent upon how busy and productive I am?
Am I not living fully and purposefully when I am not doing anything?
Holding Space for the In-Between
The internal struggle is definitely real. Loud and all-consuming.
Ironically, these questions also kept me grounded in times when I felt like succumbing to my downward spiral.
Asking these questions helped me to not get caught in the achievement trap.
Taking a deep breath, I allowed myself to feel the frustration, the jealousy, the envy.
I acknowledged the voice of my small and insecure self.
“I hear you,” I said.
“My dear Jostine, I hear you.”
It’s ugly and unbecoming. It’s a few steps backward.
And that’s okay.
Sometimes, we need to take a few steps backward so we can continue onward.
Growth, after all, is not linear.
As of writing this post, I still don’t have any answer.
I still don’t know what’s next.
I can honestly say though that I am now at peace with this space of in-between.
I’ll go even further and say that I am fully experiencing where I am right now.
This space is not a period of “nothingness,” but a necessary period of gestation.
And as if being at peace no matter what is happening (or not happening) is the magic key — it is — the next steps are being revealed to me as I steadily continue on my journey and discovery.
How about you?
How do you navigate this space of in-between?
Please feel free to share in the comments below. I would love to hear from you as well.